It’s my first week back working after 8 months of maternity leave and I think the stitching around my brain is permanently unfrayed.
Add to this the fact that I’m starting an entirely new job with a new organisation, it’s all got me quite overwhelmed and concerned that this fog-headed state is now the default I’ll have to work with.
It’s a bit like being jet lagged. My articulation (as evidenced) is totally sub par; inconcise, rambling, unconnected. It’s worrying that I now work in children’s literacy…
I’m hoping it will return – some semblance of brain capacity, that is – and if it doesn’t I hope that I can at least find the humour to appreciate how fractional my thinking is. I can’t even tell if that line was intended to be witty…
But this experience just makes me really appreciate the lengths we go to to get back on the horse, keep up with the ambitions we once had, and how that might not be entirely reconcilable with our new lives as parents or carers.
That’s not to say I can’t do this new job. I probably can. I just don’t feel like I can today or tomorrow or even next week. Perhaps by the end of this month I might find a bit of confidence somewhere that will see me through the first period of a new role.
Perhaps I’ll find that in the outrageously enthusiastic grin Augie is giving me when I pick him up from the childminder.