It’s amazing to think just last week I was probably around 8cm dilated, out of my mind scream-demanding an epidural. Terrified of the pain I was experiencing, I panicked thinking I would be totally unable to surrender into the mounting urge to push.
But, midwives are extraordinary beings.
Our student midwife Emily – I must emphasise the fact she is a third year student in training who case-loaded us from 9 weeks of pregnancy through to post-birth assessments…in other words she is still learning and still yet to be qualified but has been a part of the delivery of 36 babies, and actually fully lead our delivery – helped me, potentially distracted me (!) into realising I could indeed do it. In the midst of the trauma of birth she was the only person I wanted to see, the only voice I wanted to hear, the only instructions I trusted. With all her devotion, she made me realise that I would be able to give in and push when the need came, and, while I could have an epidural if I still wanted though it would require more time, she believed I could deliver the baby myself now if I wanted and I trusted.
An hour later Augie was born and that cannula strapped to my wrist never did end up dripping any intervention fluid.
So, it’s phenomenal to look back and see how far we’ve come in only a week. We’ve kinda got a handle on breastfeeding. I washed and blow-dried my hair today. We ventured outside as a family today for the first time and I wasn’t scared – we walked to the end of our street!
We still have a lifetime of learning ahead of us. For instance, Robbie and I both got shat on…working out how to handle a pooing baby while you thought you’d just about finished the change 😳 And we need to make sure we pace ourselves.
But we both haven’t really spent much time dwelling on those future lessons, instead only really thinking about how truly blessed we are to ‘level up’ and feel a very deep, resounding love for him, for us, for other parents, for our friends and, of course, our own mothers ❤